is it wrong??

is it wrong for me to beg for his embrace?
is it wrong for me to beg for his forgiveness for the sins I've brought upon him in the past outside glazed with the sugars of what we could be and his insides rotting with the painful reality and regret of what we were...

is it wrong for me to be with another but still wish it were you?
is it wrong for me to be seeing others but when I look into their eyes I see you smiling back at me laughing at my dumb jokes like we used too?

is it wrong for me to want to move on but I'm stuck to you like a fly on sticky paper...

Thoughts #2

how does it feel being a nobody?

how does it feel? imagine you, yes you. imagine yourself smaller than others. imagine yourself as a flower. a flower in a beautiful garden. all of the flowers are happy, the bees are buzzing, the birds are singing their songs..then out of nowhere a fire starts...all of the other flowers in your field have been turned into brittle ashes. blown away by the unforgiving wind. and you, your flower is left there. without any other flowers to pollinate it won't survive...it will soon wither away.

 now, the flower is you. the garden is society. and the fire is publicity and drama. it hurts knowing one moment you are in a field of popularity and one mistake will cause a fire and ruin you and your beautiful social life as a whole...

Thoughts #1

I feel rather awkward...
after breaking up with whom I thought was the true love I feel as if people are starting to lose their taste. I believe people are confusing the feeling of love and appearance. people aren't loving someone out of love. rather they are loving them out of social status, and how they will make the other person look with them on their arm... I believe love is being miss guided. love isn't sex. love isn't a one night stand. love is a connection you have with someone. it's so much more than just a hormone. its the feeling of two spirits connecting. don't get me wrong lust does feel good, but in my eyes having someone to hold and having someone I can fully call my own feels even better. with or without sex, appearance, etc. but that's just me...

letter 1

Letter #1 

dear significant other, 

your eyes shine as bright as the flaming sun. every glance is a burning sensation of bliss and lust. although you torture me with silence and lack of communication. I know you love me... although I'm clingy and just another rose full of thorns in a garden of much prettier florescent beasts. I pray you to pick up the phone. I pray one day your guardian will forgive me for my burning sins. I want to believe that you are the one...but it's hard when I'm im a glass of water and youre a cup of sugar disolving in my salty heart....

dear stars

Dear Stars,

Every time I look up at the stars I can't help but feel him there. every time I'm alone talking to the moon I hear his voice whispering back sweet love letters into my ears. I spend most nights worrying about how he's feeling I spend most nights questioning everything I am and do. I hope he will understand one day just how much I truly care for him. hold me tight under this sky..one last kiss goodbye and goodnight are all I ask for so I can rest safely knowing I'm loved by him.. one more kiss? ok, maybe two...im sorry if I come across as clingy I just want to let you know I love him. I know there are billions of stars but maybe I could shine a little brighter in your life and stand out upon everyone else. maybe he could treat me like his world? good morning, goodnight, late night calls?  that sounds good to me. dear stars answer my hums and wishes. let my heart heal and let me a normal old star shine brightly in his galaxy. for he is my sun. I orbit around his affection and praise. stop the fighting. stop the endless screaming and tears. stop the black hole from forming in my heart and let him know I'm here. let him know I've always been here. I've always been a small little ball of gas progressively getting bigger trying to shine noticeably, but not blow up. so darling whenever you look up please think of me...and realize I can be the star in your Milkyway...

Backstory

❥Backstory

Once upon a time, there was this girl who gave a man her heart. Not just her heart but her everything. she tried to be his answer to a lifelong problem. she tried to be the shoulder he could cry on. She wanted to be the one person he could go to in a time of need. Everything was fine. everything was beautiful. until one tragic day, everything changed. he didn't seem to put in as much effort into an everyday situation as he used to. Every kiss goodbye seemed so rushed. The Good morning and goodnight texts seemed to go away. He became so distant... she wanted to believe that everything would be ok. She wanted to believe that everything would go back to normal, but it only seems to be breaking them both slowly. So she decided to write and expose her feelings in the form of a not so great blog. so let this be the beginning of a beautiful tragedy, but also a warning to all the fellow tainted hearted beasts of the world. Love Hurts...
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

She wanted answers. She wanted the truth. she wanted to know how he was feeling, what was going through his head. The question is..will she? if so how? this blog is going to go through her life experiences and how she handles this usage.  I will post every day.  Maybe twice depending on how I'm feeling.

"she wears her pain like an invisible cloak you'll never see her pain except through her eyes for they are as blue as the oceans of tears she cries"